Blurred boundaries

Bug is well on the mend from his dental surgery. His spirits are good, although he's having energy dips. He's healed so quickly.
It was a good weekend, although busy and bit stressful. Having my son visiting at the same time split my focus and energy. I'm grateful that Bug's Mom stayed with him through the weekend.
It's interesting how disruptive this surgery has been on Bug's and my life together. Our routine has been thrown off. Bug's Mom took Monday off work as well and was intending on hanging with him through the day. I went over in the morning, as is my usual routine on Monday morning and I was ready to do my caregiver thing.
I realize now that it was an attempt on my part to normalize our lives again. It felt good that morning to get a load of laundry in the washer and Bug soaking in a bath. In the process it caused Bug's Mom to feel redundant. She was fully prepared to do all these things for Bug and here comes the pushy boyfriend to take over.
I felt shitty. I could feel this tension and I was saddened as Bug's Mom cleaned up her things to go home.
I felt a responsibility to be there for Bug. I have a strong work ethic that stems from eighteen years growing up on a farm. My mind was saying 'It's Monday, go to work damn it!' Yet I could have had that time with my son. He was contented watching Pokemon on Youtube, but I put Bug's care before time with my son.
I was like my Dad in that moment. He put lots of things before his own sons.
In that moment I was able to justify that I was doing a good thing. I was doing my job. Taking care of Bug. On the surface I was a great guy.
If I had taken the time, let Bug's Mom care for him and I stayed with my son, then it would have been a win/win for most of us. My son would have had me to play Super Mario Brothers and Bug's Mom could her part as Mom.
Yet... I had a need to be with Bug. He had a need to be with him.
So where does caregiver and boyfriend meet and end?
Yes, that is a huge question and one that I will be working on this whole relationship. I feel that most of the time I succeed at being aware of this balance. It's a delicate balancing act on a very fine edge.
I've had a few people leave my life in the past couple years. Friends come and go and it's all cycles, but I'm aware these friendship endings coincided with my relationship shifting into caregiver for Bug. I understand that some people may have a moral and ethical problem with Bug's and my duel relationship.
I get it.
But... the comfort, love,respect, care, ease, joy that Bug gets from our duel relationships can be seen and felt by everyone who knows him.
I'm aware that Bug's Mom understands my reasons for coming over on Monday when she had it all under control.
What really drew me to Bug's home, tapping on the front door, mere seconds after 9:00am was love.
I love Bug and I wanted to be with him.
I wanted to do for him.
It may be wrong in some people's mind that we've blurred the boundary of relationship and caregiver, but it's working for both of us.
Love has a way of blurring boundaries.

Until the next time...