The First I Love You

I wanted the first time I told Bug that I loved him to be special.
My feelings for him had been growing and those three words were on the tip of my tongue, but I refrained from blurting them out.
Our first Valentine's happened to be during the men's gathering in central Oregon. We were greeted on our second morning by Cupid's day.
Bug had gone shopping with his Mom for a present for me and I had a bag of chocolaty/peanut-butter goodies hidden in my luggage for him. Bug's gift to me was carefully concealed in a bag that I had to pack with his belongings.
We woke up together in a double bed in one of the thermally heated cabins. Bug had a huge grin and asked if I wanted to open my present. In the bag was a beautiful heart shaped box stuffed with assorted chocolates. There was a metal key tied to the box as a decoration. I freed it from the red ribbon and put it with my house and car keys.
I gave Bug his present and said, 'I love you.'
But this wasn't the first time.
Nope, I'd professed my love a day earlier.
Each morning of this five day retreat there was something called a Heart Circle. This tradition was taken from the First Nations' talking circle. A talking circle is where members of a community circle up and a talisman is handed around. Whoever has the talisman, or talking stick, has the floor and cannot be interrupted. Everyone present is to give their attention to the speaker. Our group took this premise and called it a Heart Circle. Specifically it's to encourage men to speak what's in their hearts. Instead of a talking stick each person who speaks wear's a shawl.
I brought Bug to Heart Circle on our first morning and after listening to several men share I was moved to speak.
I got up and the shawl was placed on my shoulders from the fellow who had spoken before me. I pulled the shawl in tightly around my torso and started pacing around the circle of friends and strangers. I knew what I wanted to say, but I wasn't sure how it was going to come out.
It went something like this...
'I've been fortunate... blessed, to have someone come into my life recently. He's swooped in and single-handedly changed everything. I was prepared to be single and had no intention of meeting anyone, but I guess someone had different plans...'
Honestly I don't remember exactly what I said, but I blathered on, teared up, made my friends cry and ultimately told Bug that I loved him.
He was sitting in his wheelchair in pink pajamas with this kookie cat pattern and gave a nervous laugh, then said he loved me too.
Later I asked him if it was OK I had done that. I told him that I always wanted to remember the first time I told him I loved him. I figured I probably wouldn't forget it if I made an announcement in the middle of a circle of men.
Besides I only get to tell him I love him for the first time once.
Bug laughed and said I was being a dork. Yes it was OK that I had told a bunch of strangers that I loved him.
How else would I have done it?
Lots of times when I'm fishing my keys out of my pocket to unlock my home, or I'm starting my car, I'll see the key from the heart shaped box of chocolates and be wonderfully reminded of Bug's love for me.

Until the next time...