New Caregiver

How did I become Bug's weekly caregiver?
Bug and I had our first face-to-face... encounter... at the end of August 2008. Quite quickly we started to see each other regularly. Most of the time we hung out during the day and had the odd supper together, but since I didn't have a key to his home I had to get Bug back so his current caregiver could tuck him into bed. It was about six weeks later when I received a key and then Bug and I got to stay out later. He was great about walking me through his bedtime routine; it was very specific.
The second week of November I went over to Bug's place after supper for some TV watching. His caregiver at the time was getting ready to go for the night as I had offered to put Bug to bed. When she had herself together for her bus trip home she turned to Bug and said, 'I'm giving my two weeks notice. I can't do this anymore.' Bug didn't respond. He sat in his chair with what was either surprise or shock on his face. His caregiver gave me a look and said, 'You'll be taken good care of.'
Then she was gone into the dark fall night.
It was only a moment or two after she left that Bug's shoulders started shaking and he cried and cried.
He had been with this caregiver for over six years. Bug had no idea she was going to drop this bombshell of news on him. I held Bug as the tears streamed down his cheeks and his rigid body shook out the sadness and shock.
When he'd calmed down I told him he was coming to stay with me that night. I got him bundled up in his coat, grabbed some clothes, pajamas and toiletries and we were out the door.
In the morning after breakfast as I was getting Bug dressed he looked at me and there was excitement in his eyes.
'Would you become my caregiver?' he asked me. 'You already do everything. You know how to do everything. I've always wanted a male caregiver.'
I didn't know how to respond. At this point in time I'd been unemployed almost a year and had no idea what I wanted to do. I was definitely not going back to the kind of work I had been doing.
Bug and I had a meeting with his Mom a couple days later. The time frame was quite tight with only two weeks notice. Bug had talked to his Mom about his idea before the three of us sat down together. She thought it was good, but was concerned about how this would affect Bug's and my new relationship.
I talked about how much I really cared for Bug and enjoyed being with him. Then I said, 'but number one he needs a caregiver before he needs a boyfriend.' This was the basic truth he needed someone to do all the basic day to day stuff and I could commit to doing that.
During the helper's last two weeks she called in sick a couple times and I got some practice at caring for Bug. My official start date was December 1st.
Bug was thrilled and I have to admit I was excited.
Several years earlier I had done child-care for my stepson when he was three and the next year I looked after my two year old nephew. When my son was eight months old his Mom had to go back to work and she offered to pay me to stay home with him. She had a great job as a high-school teacher and I was between jobs. She told me that she'd have to pay someone anyway, so why not pay her son's Dad because she knew he'd get great care. It was a wonderful situation for me as I got to be my son's primary daytime caregiver until he was almost four.
Looking after Bug didn't feel any different in that I willingly would have done the work, but I needed money to pay monthly expenses and Bug's Mom was thrilled that her son was being cared for by someone who really cared for him. It felt like a win win all around. Bug had a new caregiver, Mom was pleased, I was getting paid to hang out and help my boyfriend!
I think some of the people in my life had issue with this. One person, who was an OT, felt that there was a conflict of interest; we haven't spoken in a year and a half.
Bug came out to his Doctor, who's the same man who delivered him over thirty years ago. I think he was caught off guard a bit and asked us to come back and talk to him about it at a future date. When we came back and sat in front of him he asked us questions to make sure that no one was being taken advantage of. This was valid. Bug and I were able to show him what a great situation this was for us.
Other members of Bug's family have come to me at various family events and whispered how happy Bug was. I got told numerous times that this has been really good for Bug.
I know it's been really good for me too.

Until the next time...